LASH BLAST

I’m not a girl who wears a crap ton of make-up or takes an hour to prep my face in the morning. I’m a bit of a tomboy in that regard. Too much prep is a waste of time. Give me five minutes (not even) to wash my face and put on mascara so I don’t look dead and voila! I am ready to hit the town.

                                                                 My general feelings about makeup

I’m not a makeup connoisseur at any stretch. Normally cheapest is best because I hate spending money on face paint. I’ve never had a do or die ‘brand’ on the mascara I use but late last year I found this Maybelline Falsies stuff after my regular $6 a bottle stuff was sold out. It made my lashes look oh so nice. Rarely clumped and dried quick. So I stuck with that for a while.

A couple months ago I ran out of my mascara and made a quick stop at my local whatever store. I guess they had a sale because the beauty isle was picked clean. One lowly bottle of mascara remained. I bought it and it did its job but dried up rather hastily. Last week I went out again for the makeup hunt (groan) and picked up this crap.

FUSION BLAST. Holy smokes were my eyelashes excited for this. When I got home to test it out for the first time boy was I disappointed. Upon unveiling the stick with the little brush thingy on the end (applicator?) it looked like someone had glued a hairy mouse shit on the end of the wand. I applied FUSION LASH BLAST! on my peepers and it barely made a difference. If anything it made my eyes look worse with short, stubby, thin little lashes. Bonus, the damn mascara smells like dishsoap so I spent the day smelling my eyeballs. I COULD SMELL MY EYEBALLS. They smelled like bubbles. Joy.

Yesterday I go out again vowing that I will stick to my Maybelline Falsies stuff no matter what. I purchase the damn thing and go home. This morning I open the package in preparation of having my lashes pampered. I unscrew the lid and this happens.

                                                                            Fuck.

For the uninformed, there is supposed to be a brush on the end. Did it get stuck in the bottle? Is it an amputee? I don’t know. All I know is that my eyeballs are currently naked.

Today I finally go back to the doctor for a follow up from my emergency room visit. I’ll be relieved once I get there because my anxiety about my heart is not helping in the slightest. The smallest pang in my heart or in my legs sends me into a heart racing panic. I had the joy of experiencing four panic attacks last night. Two of them full blown, the first where I pulled over in a panic because I thought my heart was exploding and I couldn’t breathe. Not fun. Anxiety is normal for me but Panic attacks are few and far between. I want to be told I’m healthy and simply stupid. Ugh. I’ll cross my fingers if you wish me luck. I have shit to do, I don’t want to be sick.